Bingo

I’ve spent a lot of time writing about busking but not much about my other job. I work mostly as a bartender, but every Monday I take on a new role; I am the bingo caller.

I got the gig a few years ago when the old bingo caller left and my manager was complaining that he was going to have to take over.

“Oh boy I’d kill to do bingo!” I said

“Oh yeah” he said sarcastically “it’s going to be great”

“..it sounds like so much fun”

“Yeah, you’re really missing out, it’s going to be a party”

“I wish I could do it…”

“I really don’t want to do it…”

I looked at him “Wait. Do you seriously not want to do it?”

“Do you seriously want to do it?”

And that’s how I became the bingo caller.

It turns out bingo is serious. In North America you can win big bucks, up to $10,000, but here you’re lucky if you get a $20 woolies gift voucher. Despite the relatively low stakes, bingo players, in my opinion, are among the most competitive people in the world. The great irony is that bingo is almost entirely luck.

If you are a competitive person, and you don’t win at something, and it’s not your fault, it must be someone else’s fault, right? That someone is usually me.

Bingo players are generally older. Mine range from about 50 to 102. No joke 102 year old Albert comes to bingo every week for a chance to score a $15 Woolworths wish card.

I think at 102 you should get anything you want, which makes it hard for me when he gives me a stern look and says “You’d better call my numbers today”

I look at the random number generator.

“You’d better call Albert’s numbers today”

To be fair, players know that responsibility does not lie completely with me. Lucky rituals have a big impact as well. According to bingo players, your luck will change depending on where you sit, who you sit with and what colour dobber you use.

I recently made the fatal mistake of getting the wrong coloured dobbers. Whilst I was ordering I was asked if I wanted any colour in particular. No, I didn’t mind. WRONG! Apparently orange is not a good colour for my bingo ladies failing eyesight. Unfortunately we’ve got to get through 250 more dobbers before I can order a new box. Orange you glad I didn’t get yellow?