Chuggers

Being a street worker, I work alongside a variety of characters. I’ve mentioned homeless people and other buskers, but not some of my other colleagues; namely the charity workers.

The trick with these charity muggers, or 'chuggers' as they are known, is not to stop. Ever. You don’t have to be mean or ignore them, but you must continue walking. If they ask how you are, tell them you’re well and return the question- as you walk by. If they follow you and ask if you have pets, you can talk them as long as you like, don’t stop. Here’s my issue: when I busk, I’m stopped.

I had a monopoly on street performing when I was in Canberra, but I had to share my turf with an awful lot of chuggers. The first lot were from UNICEF. A confident young man approached me to tell me about all the dying children in Africa. I smiled at him and said ‘maybe later’. He didn’t believe me, for good reason. I started playing.

“You know 5 children died from diphtheria while you played that song.”

I moved spots. This time to where WSPA people were on the prowl. One of the guys gingerly approached me.

“Do you like animals?”

“No” I said blunty

“Oh, ummmm….. Really?”

“No”

“You don’t like animals?”

OK now he was giving me puppy dog eyes.

I sighed. “Animals are OK I guess…”

He looked relieved, was he really still going to try and sign me up? I let him talk to me about the bears having their teeth pulled out, then told him “maybe later”.

Over the next couple of days we all worked the same street. I watched as they tried, and mostly failed, to sign people up for their various charities. It’s tough, soul destroying work and if you don’t have the right personality, you aren’t going to last long. They’re supposed to average 4 sign ups a day which is a lot harder than it sounds.

Every so often one of them would peer into my case and gawk at how much money I’d made.

“You just made $80 in an hour and you can’t afford $1 a day to save the bears?”

In the end I caved. I couldn’t in good conscience leave without giving Josh from WSPA a sale, he sure as hell wasn’t going to get one any other way.

Then the UNICEF guy walked past. I didn’t feel right giving it to one and not the other so I told him to get his clipboard. He was elated. He kept going on about how many kids I’d just vaccinated in Africa. He couldn’t seem to switch off his charity charm, meanwhile Josh was trying not to screw anything. His team leader stood there, bewildered by his good fortune.

Maybe it’s my way of paying tax or compensating the charity people for having to listen to ‘Oh When the Saints’ 10 times a day, or perhaps it’s karmic retribution for kicking people out of their busking spots. Either way, part of my earnings are going to charity. Can I put a photo of an Ethiopian child next to my case now?