I have some shocking news to tell you all. Seriously, you might want to sit down for this one. OK, here it goes: I’m having an affair with a much older woman, but now I’ve fallen in love with her daughter and things are getting awkward. OK so that’s not true at all, I’m not that type of graduate. I’m the other kind, the kind that GRADUATES!!!
On the 25th of April 2010 at around 8pm, I stumbled out of my last exam. It was Canadian studies and the last word I wrote was ‘eh’.
You may be wondering why if I finished uni over a year ago I’m only graduating today. It turns out there are a few things you have to do when you finish your degree whilst on exchange. I lie, there’s only one; you have to ask. After putting it off for over a year, I finally picked up the phone sometime in May.
“Good morning, Sydney University Graduations office this is Helen speaking”
“Hi Helen, ummmm I was just wondering if I could graduate?”
“What is your student number please?”
“306124749”
Typing noises
“Yes that’s fine Maya, we’ll send your invitations out in the next week”
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Dear University,
Thanks for allowing me to receive this very expensive piece of paper. I’m sorry I didn’t give you the attention you deserved and that I hated you with a fiery burning passion. Thanks for helping me qualify for youth allowance and letting me go on exchange to Canada, that was really fun. I’m sorry that I didn’t pay you any attention there either.
I did learn some things from you, and I appreciate those times when I can pull out a fun fact about language, or meditation or one of the sculptures I made, even if it is only at pub trivia. I have a great respect for what you do University, and I hope we can still be friends- friends that don’t talk or write or have any contact with each other.
Sincerely,
306124749
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