No Español

I’d been warned. Every book, every website, every person who’d been told me I’d need Spanish in Central America. I listened, nodded attentively and did nothing.

I soon understood what they meant- you really need Spanish in Central America. I bought myself a Spanish-English dictionary,downloaded Duolingo and tried valiantly to memorise the phrases in the back of the Lonely Planet.

My aim is to get through an entire interaction without the person on the other side realizing I don’t speak Spanish. It usually goes something like this (I think).

“Hello how can I help you?”

“Hello, one enchiladas please”

“Enchiladas with red sauce or green sauce?”

“Yes, thank you”

“Red or green?”

“Oh, green please”

“What would you like to drink?”

“Yes, good”

“What would you like to drink? Water, coke, fanta, horchata?”

“Oh, ummm, water please”

“For here or to go?”

“Yes”

Slower “For here or to go?”

“Oh, ummm”  uses 2 fingers to walk across hand

“That will be about 10 minutes”

“Yes”

“Would you like to sit down while you wait?”

“Yes thank you” continues standing

Food arrives

“Would you like a bag?”

“Yes please”

Puts food in bag

“Oh, no bag thank you” smiling

“OK, goodbye” frowning

“Goodbye, friend!”