Be Nice!

I'm used to being kicked out of spots. Shopkeepers, security, other buskers, office workers, police and even homeless people, ask me to move on a regular basis. I play a loud, obnoxious instrument. I get it.

Most people are really nice about it. "I'm sorry to do this, you sound great, really nice, it's just, well... you can't play here". At this point I'll smile, apologize for the inconvenience and move on. Chances are I've been expecting it and it's taken longer than I thought.

I set up near a beaver tail stand in Cavendish, PEI (Anne of Green Gables land). I was in a little park so I didn't think I was in any one's way.

The second I started playing, the beaver tail stand turned up their music. I played louder. They turned it up even more. Every time I stopped, they'd turn it down again.

The staff were the kind of cool girls you'd find working at Boost Juice. While I played, I could hear them saying things to the customers like "this isn't my choice of music" and "sorry I couldn't hear you over the TROMBONE".

I went for a break and when I came back they said "Oh my god, she's back" "Ugh! Seriously? Whhhhhhyyyyy?". I was hurt. I didn't even feel like playing anymore, but I couldn't let them win.

I'd barely played 2 songs before an older woman marched up to me.
"You can't play here" she said angrily "you're driving away my customers" and stormed off before I could say a word.

I left upset, trying not to make eye contact with the satisfied beaver tail girls. I wasn't trying to be a menace, I just wanted to play some jazz on my trombone.

Places I usually get kicked out of

• Malls
• Supermarkets
• Restaurants
• Residential areas
• Markets
• Places where homeless people hang out

Places that I don't

• Banks
• Parks
• Places where there aren't any people

Hot and Cold

Canadians like to talk about the weather. A lot. I’ve spent at least 15 minutes everyday, for the last year talking about the weather. I’m willing to take some responsibility for this; winter was long and cold, and the way I got through it was by whinging about it. Unfortunately Canadians, weren’t particularly sympathetic. Every time I complained about the cold, I would get promises of how much colder it would get and stories about all the different body parts that can freeze.

It’s summer now, I assumed the weather talk would stop. Not so, everyone is complaining about the heat, but I can’t get enough of it. These days, when I’m busking in the glorious sunshine, every second person exclaims “it’s too hot to be out here” or “you poor thing, standing out in the heat all day”. It’s only 24°, but finally I’m getting the sympathy I deserve.

Fun fact: In winter, when talking about the temperature, Canadians say it’s -18°, -27° with windchill. In summer, it’s 24°, 30° with humidity.

Back on the Horse

I didn’t exactly enjoy my time on the boat. As fate would have it, I was invited to go sailing less than a week after getting off the boat. I wasn’t particularly excited.

I was staying by beautiful Antigonish harbour with couchsurfer Sean. His friend asked me sailing.

“So Sean tells me you know how to sail?”
“No.”
“No? Didn’t you spend a month on a sailboat?”
“Yes.”
“But you don’t know how to sail?”
“No.”
“You must have learnt something about sailing while you were on the boat”
“I learnt I don’t like it.”

I spent a glorious summer evening sailing around Antigonish harbour, watching the sun set, drinking beer and eating cheese and crackers, but all I wanted to do was get off the boat.

Crazy of the Week - Drug Adrian

OK, he wasn’t really crazy, but I spent all day with him. And he made me laugh.

I was busking in the small town of Baddeck near Whycocomagh. Adrian came up to me and asked where I was from. He said he was from New Zealand - didn’t sound like it. He said he was 18 - didn’t look like it. He asked if he could watch me play for a while, he was a busker himself apparently.

“Do you smoke weed?” he asked when I’d finished a song
“ Ummmm…”
“Do you want to go smoke with me?”
“No thanks”
“OK, I’ll be back in 5 minutes”
“OK.”

5 minutes later

“That was quick eh?” he said grinning
“ummmm, yeah…”
“I just smoked 2 grams of weed”. More grinning.

He continued watching me. I wasn’t impressed, he was cramping my style. I was relieved when he finally left.

A little later I went to grab some lunch at a nearby café. He found me. He sat down at my table and waved his friend over.

“Yo, so my Mum is bringing my guitar so we can jam later”
“Cool.” I wasn’t in the mood.

“I’m totally baked” Adrian drawled
“Yeah.” The friend snickered.
“Imagine if you had a million dollars”
“Yeah, even half a million would be sweet”
“Yeah, I mean, I’d be down for $1000”
“If I had $1000, I’d just go and buy everyone a two-four and a pound of weed”
“Yeah. Sweet.”
“Dude, why is my Mum taking so long?”

2 minutes later his Mum arrived with his guitar.

“Lets jam eh?”
“I’m not very good at jamming” I admitted
“Aw don’t worry, I’m like, the jamming master”

We sat down on a bench, ready to play.
“Do you know any Pink Floyd?” he asked
“No, I mainly play jazz”
“Oh, Ok. Ummmm, how about Metallica?
“No”
“How about Led Zeppelin? Can you play any Zeppelin?”
“Nope. Sorry”
“What can you play then?”
“Gershwin.”
“Oh. Ummmm how about we just jam then?”
I sighed. I’m not a huge fan of jamming, mainly because I suck at it.
“Do you know C?” he asked
“Ummmm yes?”
“How about A minor?”
I looked at him sideways. “You know I can’t play chords right?”
“Can you play F?”
“The note?”
“Yeah”
“Yeah, I can play all the notes”
“Cool. So can you play, like C, A minor, E minor and F, and I’ll solo over the top?”

This was not going well. It was time for me to bail.
“I think I’m going to try play outside the supermarket” I told him
“Oh OK. Will you be back?”
“Maybe. Nice to meet you.”

The supermarket kicked me out within 5 minutes of me setting up. Adrian was already walking towards me.

“I think I’m going to try the waterfront” I said
“Do you mind if I come?”
Yes.
“No”

“I ditched my friends to hang out with you” he confessed
“Cool”

I set up at the waterfront while he sat on a bench behind me. He looked down the wharf.
“I think that’s my girlfriend”
He looked again.
“Nah she looks way too young” he said and leant back on the bench.
I played a song. He looked down the wharf again.
“Actually that is my girlfriend” he wasn’t moving.
“Oh”
I played another song. He still hadn’t moved.

A group of 12 year old girls came over to us.
“Sup?” Adrian asked one of them
“Nothin’”
“Hey, meet my new friend, she’s from Australia”
The girl turned back to her friends. Adrian tapped her gently with his foot.
“Hey, I’m talkin’ to you. This is Maya”
The girl looked at me, then silently turned back to her friends. I don’t think she liked me. I got up to leave.

“So yeah, like, if you ever need a place to stay or anything… Like, seriously, here’s my number. Like, even if it’s at 3am. My Mum probably wouldn’t mind”

Whycocomagh

I got off the boat and collapsed at a charming hostel on Cape Breton Island in Nova Scotia. I had my first shower in 11 days, and slept on land for the first time in a month. I was thrilled to be reunited with my trombone and couldn't wait to start busking again.

"Where do you think a good place would be in Whycocomagh?" I asked the hostel manager.

"Busk? In Whycocomagh? I don't think I've ever seen a busker here...?"

She looked at me doubtfully. Everyone in the hostel was looking at me doubtfully, I didn't blame them. Whycocomagh has a co op, a bakery and a population of 800.

I busked outside the co op for an hour and a half and came back with $96. Why would I busk in Toronto when I can busk in Whycocomagh?

Which Sailor Are You?

Ever wonder which sailor on the Evensong you’re most like? I thought so!

1. You haven’t been showering because:
a) There aren’t many opportunities
b) It’s too hard
c) You don’t believe in showering

2. Something is wrong with the engine, you:
a) Find the problem and fix it
b) Find a problem, then find another problem and then another. Don’t fix any of them
c) Like engines. They’re shiny

3. When tying up to a wharf you like to use:
a) As few ropes as possible.
b) 3 or 4 ropes. That’s how many a boat this size needs.
c) You’ll start with 5 ropes and add another one every time you screw up parking the boat

4. A Canadian ferry with a crane on it is at the same wharf as you, you:
a) Get up at 5.45am to take photos of it and watch it leave. You wake up everyone else and tell them ‘not to miss this very special Canadian experience'.
b) Open one eye, ask if it’s a polar bear then go back to sleep.
c) Get up. Live to regret it.

5. You like animals
a) A lot!
b) And want to know everything about them
c) As long as you don’t have to stand up to see them

6. The skipper is driving you mad because:
a) He keeps telling you how to do everything from tying a rope to killing a mosquito
b) He keeps asking “have I ever told you about my trip up to Labrador in 1979...” and then you say ‘yes’ and he tells you anyway. Again.
c) He’s not! It’s not his fault he’s always right.

7. In your free time you like to:
a) Read a book
b) Go hiking, not that you ever get the chance
c) What free time? There’s always something to do on the boat

8. You like to eat:
a) Whatever is easiest to cook. One pot only.
b) Meat and 3 veg - gotta have everything separate
c) Don’t care, as long as there’s a lot of it

9. Sailing is:
a) About the journey; discovering new places
b) The opposite of what is happening on this boat
c) About the destination. GET ME TO BLANC SABLON!!

10. There are mosquitoes everywhere, you:
a) Cover your door with a mosquito net
b) Cover yourself in vinegar
c) Diesel. Mosquitoes hate diesel.

11. When choosing a place to stop for the night, you like:
a) Mooring - it’s the quickest and easiest
b) Docking - you get to talk to all the fisherman
c) Anchoring - so you can go explore nearby deserted islands

12. To get to the next place, you think we should:
a) Motor - it’s fast and reliable
b) Sail, even if there’s no wind. It’ll pick up soon….
c) Depends on the situation

1.- a)3 b)1 c)2 -2.- a)2 b)3 c)1 -3.- a)1 b)2 c)3 -4.- a)3 b)1 c)2 -5.- a)2 b)3 c)1 -6.-a)2 b)1 c)3 -7.- a)1 b)2 c)3 -8.- a)1 b)3 c)2 -9.- a)3 b)2 a)1 -10.- a)3 b)1 c)2 -11.- a)1 b)3 c)2 -12.- a)1 b)3 c)2

12-18
You are Maya

Wow are you lazy! You want to do everything the easiest way possible. You don’t know what you’re doing, but you know you’d like to get off the boat. Now.

19-25
You are Mike

You’re active and always like to be doing something useful. You’ve been a mechanic, a carpenter, worked for the army and you’ve skinned a kangaroo, so you know how to figure stuff out for yourself. This might be your toughest adventure yet.

26-32
You are Dave

An eternal optimist, you love sailing and everything about it! You’re social, and want to share your passion for Canada with everyone. You’re lucky to be alive because your crew is plotting ways to throw your overboard.

Bud, Bud Light or Bud with Lime

Harrington Harbour. 50° 30’N, 59° 29’W, about 100 miles north of where the road end, aka, the middle of nowhere. But it had a shop and a post office, so for us, it was a metropolis.

It was Saturday night when we arrived so we decided to head for the bar. There was music coming from an old building, we headed towards it. There were a few drunk girls smoking outside the door, Dave asked if this was the bar.
“Naaaw, bar’s ov’r there see. Joost, thar ‘cross de bridge.”
We all turned to look across the stream where she was pointing. There was a little white house with a dim light coming from it. Dave looked doubtful. She was pulling his leg
“That doesn’t look like a bar to me” said Dave
“Well, dat’s it, only bar in town. This here’s de hall”
“Doesn’t look much like a bar to me” mumbled Dave, turning away.

We walked across the bridge and up to the house. It said ‘Harbourside Bar’ on the side. Well what do you know, it was a bar.

When we entered, every head turned to look at us. Granted, that was only 6 heads, but still. There were 4 middle aged men sitting at the bar and 2 younger guys playing pool - all were wearing baseball caps.

One of the guys sitting at the bar stood up when we came in and made his way slowly to the other side of the bar. Ready to serve us.

Dave walked up, feigning confidence. All eyes were on glued to the action.
The man behind the bar nodded. “What’ll it be then?”
“Ummm, what kind of beer do you have?”
“We got bud, bud light and bud with lime”

We drank our beer quietly in the corner. Just as we were about to leave, a guy from the bar came to sit with us.
“Where yous from then?” he said staring directly at me
“Australia. He’s from Norway and he’s from Nova Scotia” I answered pointing at Mike and Dave.
He nodded, but I’m not convinced he knew where all those places were.
“Ummmmm” I wasn’t sure what to say “so you’re from here?” I asked feebly.
“Yerp”
“Ohhh. Ummmm, and what do you do?”
He looked at me slightly confused, like he wasn’t exactly sure what I was asking him.
“Fishin’” he said slowly.
“Oh right” of course. What else could he possibly do here?
“If you’re not busy tonight…” he leant across the table
Dave interrupted, “we best be going now” and whisked me away.

Sailing Goggles (And How to Look Sexy on a Boat)

Goggles noun-Making people seem more attractive than they actually are.

I’ve encountered many different types of goggles in the past few years; beer goggles (what a sexy person), camp goggles (in 5 years that child will be ready to date) and even greyhound bus goggles (he said he was only an accessory to the crime - not the actual murderer).
Seeing the same 2 people day in, day out, makes sailing goggles particularly strong. Here’s how it has skewed my view of the opposite sex.

1. “He’s hot!” - he’s under 50
2. “He’s a bit of alright” - that man looks like an ape
3. “Hmmmm maybe….” - No Maya, that’s a boat

I haven’t been feeling particularly sexy in my giant, orange survival suit and army print gum boots. It was windy the other day, so I decided to take out my pony tail and let my luscious locks blow in the wind. I took out my hair tie. Nothing. The grease and dirt in my hair made it stay in the perfect pony tail - no elastic required. I remembered that I hadn’t showered in 8 days. Damn. Maybe I could take off the suit? I thought about what was beneath it. Grease covered khaki pants from the little boys department and a t shirt I’d accidentally put on backwards. Thank goodness sailing goggles work both ways.

Oops, I Think I Killed Feminism

I was always a bit of a tom boy growing up. Even now, getting me in heels and make up is like pulling teeth. I’m not a girly girl - or so I thought.

It turns out I’m really bad at sailing. I don’t understand how the wind works, I can’t read a map and I can’t reach/ am not strong enough to do a bunch of things on the boat. I’m basically fulfilling a whole lot of female stereotypes. The other thing is, I don’t like sailing all that much. I like cooking. Especially when the alternative is Dave cooking. *To see the pancakes he made with CORN FLOUR (even though we had plain AND wholemeal) look at the photo above. To taste them, warm up a brick and eat it.

My apologies to all the women before me who fought so that I could do a man’s job. I’m sorry, but I’d rather cook and clean than pull ropes and lift heavy things. I must go, my men are calling - back to the kitchen.

Disastrous Dave

Things aren’t going so well here on the boat. Dave is a sweet guy, but makes everything more difficult than it has to be. A constant stream of things have gone wrong since we left Rimouski; we got stuck in Sept Iles for a few days, left and then realised there was something wrong with the engine so had to go back. Dave’s parking is getting worse and the worse it gets, the more ropes he puts out to try and compensate - all in all, he’s a bit of a disaster

Finally, it looked like things were going our way. Mike thought so too.
“Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it.” he said the day we were leaving Sept Iles. I glared at him. What a stupid thing to say. Perhaps he was right though; the sky was blue, the sun was shining and we were gliding along flat seas at 7 knot in the right direction. It even looked like we were going to hit our spot early. 4pm - which is unheard of for us.

The bay we went to anchor in got shallow. Dave thought he could get past the shallow bit into deeper water. He was wrong. CREEAAK! The boat scraped the bottom. Dave kept his nerve. CRUUUNCH. We hit the bottom again. And again. I don’t know much about boats, but I’m pretty sure crunching sounds are bad. Dave consulted the map again and made a very quiet ‘oh’ sound. We were in the wrong bay.

We’d gone almost an hour past the bay we were aiming for. Once we got back there, Dave looked at the map again. This was definitely it. The book said to go in from the right hand side of the island., but Dave didn’t like the look of that and decided we should go in from the left.
It started getting shallow again. Creak. We hit the bottom. Dave persevered. We hit ground again, but this time we didn’t come out. The boat was stuck.

“Hard to starboard” Dave screamed at me.
It was no use. The wheel wouldn’t budge. He grabbed the wheel from me in a frenzy and tried to reverse. Nothing. We were stuck in the mud.

Dave was starting to panic now. Mike and I waited calmly for our orders.
“You two, grab the dingy and the boat hook and find us a way out of here”
“What, row?” asked Mike bewildered. The outboard motor still hadn’t been attached to the dingy.
“Yes, row!”

Mike rowed while I dipped the boat hook in the water trying to find somewhere deep enough.

Meanwhile, Dave was running around the boat trying to look in control.
“Maya” he bellowed. “I need you on deck. Come to the bow.”
Mike rowed us to the bow.
“Get on” said Dave
I looked up. It was 2 metres up to the deck with little to grab onto.
“Quick, grab my hand” he said dramatically.
I took it, unimpressed. As he hoisted me up, all I could think was ‘if you drop me into that freezing water, I will kill you and then I’ll hunt down your family’.

The 3 of us went on like this for the best part of an hour. Running around in our orange survival suits with a sense of urgency, while the sun beamed down on the glass-like, 5 feet of water below.

4 hours, and 1 bent anchor later, we arrived at our anchorage point. We came in from the right. Just like the map had said.